Twists In The Tale
by ScroogeMcDuck
Summary: Marshmallows, ice-cream factories, mouldy gruel, insane directors...it's all here! Some good old fashioned randomness and stupidity featuring the all-star cast of Oliver!
1. Twists In The Tale

Twists in the Tale

**A/N:** I've been writing so much sad stuff lately, and I have an important exam tomorrow. So, thought I, why not attempt to brighten the mood before I write the last heart wrenching chapter of 'Villains To The End' with some good old fashioned humor, randomness and plain stupidity?

Based somewhat off of Theater Raven's Oliver! Outtakes because they're just so darn inspirational and amusing. ^^

Enjoy, my dears. XD

--

Food Glorious Food

Random Workhouse Kid: This gruel is mouldy!

Bumble: Shut up and eat it!

Random Workhouse Kid: Fine.

-

Boy For Sale

Bumble: (singing) One boy, boy for s-

(Singing abruptly stops as Oliver whacks Mr. Bumble over the head with his cane)

Oliver: Enough already! They get the message!

Bumble: Ow.

-

That's Your Funeral

Mr. & Mrs. Sowerberry: (singing) That's your-

Mrs. S Sowerberry: One sec.

Mr. Sowerberry: What? This is the dramatic finale!

Mrs. Sowerberry: My shoelace came undone.

-

Dodger & Oliver Meet

Oliver: My name is Oliver! Oliver Twist!

Dodger: (eyes widen)

Oliver: What?

Dodger: Dumb name, mate!

Bumble: (appears, chuckling) Heh heh heh…guilty!

-

Dodger & Oliver Meet (Take Two)

Oliver: My name is Oliver! Oliver Tw-

Dodger: (cracks up)

Oliver: (smacks Dodger)

Director: CUT! Oliver, where's the innocence and naivety?

Oliver: In that trash can over there along with my wounded ego and pride.

Director: Um…okay then.

-

New Boy

DODGER: Found new boy LOL XD

(send text)

-

Fagin & Bill Meet Outside The Cripples

Fagin: (excitedly) They had ice-cream, right?

Bill: (rolls eyes and hands Fagin a tub of ice cream)

Fagin: YES! (does victory jig)

Director: CUT! What the-

Bill: (snatches ice-cream from Fagin and throws it at Director)

-

Fagin & Bill Meet Outside The Cripples (Take Two)

Fagin: Hey, buddy! Wanna buy a watch?

Bill: (smacks Fagin)

Director: (puts head in hands, sobs)

-

Fagin & Bill Meet Outside The Cripples (Take Three Hundred and Nine)

Director: If you guys mess this up again I'll dock your pay!

Fagin: NUUUU! (falls to the ground, twitching uncontrollably)

Director: (sigh) Someone call the paramedics and don't mention the cost!

-

Bill's Breakfast

Nancy: Bill? Bill the stove's on fire!

Bill: Oh for Gawd's sake…

-

Reviewing The Situation

Fagin: (singing) I'm reviewing

The situation

And I think I will

Redecorate the den…

-

Sausages Or Pizza?

Boy: Fagin! These sausages are mouldy!

Fagin: (sigh) Fine, I'll order pizza. But only this once!

(Boys cheer)

-

The Murder

Bill: (clubs Nancy to death)

Randy: Yo, I wasn't diggin' it dawg.

Kara: …

Paula: That was…beautiful! (starts crying) Like rainbows!

Simon: Oh Gawd…

-

Who Will Buy?

Seller One: Who will buy

My fluffy marshmallows?

Two pounds for a kilo!

Seller Two: Will you buy

Any Sprite today

Mistress?

Seller Three: Ripe juiceboxes ripe!

Ripe juiceboxes ripe!

-

Consider Yourself

Dodger: (singing) Consider yourself

Part of the furniture!

(sits on Oliver)

-

Fagin & Bill Persuade Nancy To Get Oliver Back

Fagin: Nancy, my dear, we must have that boy brought back! If he talked, think what would happen to us! Think what would happen to my top secret ice cream marshmallow factory!

Nancy: WHAT?

Fagin: Ooops.

Bill: I don't even want to know…wait…MARSHMALLOWS?

Fagin: Um…

-

Where Is Love?

Oliver: (singing) Why must I sing this song?

It's so terribly boring!

Oh why can't I sing

Another song

Instead of this one?

-

Porcupines

Fagin: What've you got Dodger?

Dodger: Couple stuffed porcupines…

Fagin: Li-wait..what?

Dodger: (matter of factly) Stuffed porcupines All the rage down their way!

-

The Robbery

Bill: Now then. You get through the window an' open the front door. If you see any marshmallows on the way there, pick 'em up. Got tha'?

Oliver: Uh…I guess…

-

Crossover!

Dodger: (steals handkerchief from creepy looking guy with red eyes in a long black cloak)

Lord Voldemort: Dang it! That's the fourth one this week!

Dodger: (looks confused then runs away)

-

Oom-Pah-Pah

(Tavern customers toss mugs of alcohol wildly)

(One hits Bill in the back of the head)

Fagin: (makes plotting motions with his fingers) Excellent…

-

Quality?

(Thanks Katarina Sparrow! XD I'm sorry, I couldn't resist...)

Dodger: Oh yes! We're all ladies an' gentlemen round 'ere! We're all koala-y!

Nancy: Don't you take no notice of 'em Oliver! Just cos you've got koalas an' they ain't!

Oliver: (hugs koalas)

-

It's A Fine Life…Or Is It?

Nancy: (singing) If you don't mind Bill eatin' all yer ice cream

It's a fine life!

Tavern Folk: It's a fine life!

-

Yet Another Pointless Marshmallow Reference

Nancy: (singing) Marshmallows, marshmallows!

Who could deny us these?

Bill: (snarfs marshmallows in a corner)

-

Who Will Buy? (Take Two)

Seller One: Who will buy?

My lovely candy bars?

Three pounds

For a billion!

Seller Two: Will you buy

Any socks today

Mistress?

Seller Three: Ripe marshmallows, ripe!

Ripe marshma-

Director: (gags Seller Three) If I hear the word marshmallows one more time…

-

Back To The Beginning

Oliver: Please sir, I want some m-

Director: THAT'S IT!

Oliver: (screams) MORE! NOT MARSHMALLOWS! MORE!

Bumble: (giggles hysterically)

Director: Oh. (coughs awkwardly) Sorry.

-

The Murder (Take Two)

Bill stepped away from the mangled and bloodstained corpse of Nancy, clutching his stick in two hands. He turned around.

"Ryan Seacrest?!"

"Bill Sykes; let's see what the judges have to say! Randy?"

"Yo dawg I just wasn't feelin' that murder yo. Just OK dawg."

"Paula?"

"You…move me!" She then proceeded to clap above her head randomly.

"Aaaand, Simon?"

"I thought the murder was…absolutely disgraceful. I've seen better murders from a drunken baboon!"

"Don't listen to Simon!"

"Yo I like you dawg, but I just wasn't feelin' it!"

Bill rolled his eyes, tapped the stick into the palm of one hand.

"I take it I'm not going to Hollywood?"

…

The mangled corpses of Nancy, Randy and Simon were found later that afternoon; Paula had been submitted to a mental institution which should have happened LONG ago.

--

**A/N:** Sadly, that's it for now. If I have any more ideas, I'll be sure to write another chapter! XD


	2. Installment Two

Twists in the Tale –Part Two

Because you know you want more!

Bumble: MORE?!

**A/N:** Yes, more. My first of two major English exams is over, so here's the next installment to celebrate. Many thanks to my dear reviewers; you guys are the best! :3

--

Grub

Fagin: What've you got Dodger?

Dodger: Lemee see…couple marshmallows, bacon rind, piece of cake, stingy cheese-

Charley: CHEESE! (pounces)

Fagin: Er…

-

That's Your Funeral (Take Two)

Mr. & Mrs. Sowerberry: That's your-

Mrs. Sowerberry: Wait! (inhales helium and laughs in a high pitched creepy way)

Mr. Sowerberry: (backs away, falls into coffin)

-

Fagin & Bill Meet Outside The Cripples (Take Three Hundred and Ten)

Bill: Fagin? You OK?

Fagin: They (twitch) had (twitch) no (twitch) items (twitch) of (twitch) confectionary!

Bill: If you say so.

-

Pick-A-Pocket Or Two

Fagin: In this life

One thing counts

Marshmallows

Large amounts

Boys: (groan)

-

Deal Or No Deal

Bill: Nancy, if you bring that kid back, I'll get yer a lifetime supply of gin an' tha' spiffy necklace you've always wanted! Deal or no deal?

Nancy: Um…

(Bill's phone rings)

Bill: Hang on (picks up)

Fagin: (on phone) (yells) TAKE THE DEAL! TAKE THE FLIPPIN' DEAL!

Bill: (hangs up) I've just had a call from my legal people…they want you to take the deal.

Nancy: But what about the kid?

Fagin: (appears) WHO CARES? TAKE THE DEAL! TAKE THE DEAL! (chants)

Bill: Whaddoya say, Nance? Deal or No Deal?

(looong pause)

Nancy: No deal.

Fagin: GAAAAH! (bangs head against wall repeatedly)

-

Have A Nice Trip

Nancy: (singing) Lead in a merry-

(Trips and falls over)

Ow.

-

Who Will Buy (Take Three)

Seller One: Who will buy

This tissue paper

Four pounds for a bundle

Seller Two: Will you buy

Any scripts today

Mistress?

Seller Three: Ripe DVDs ripe!

Ripe DVDs ripe!

-

Bill & Fagin Have A Little Chat

Bill: 'Ave you ever 'eard the sound a chicken makes when they're a-wringin' off its neck?

Fagin: (nods) Yup. It goes splat! Right?

Bill: (sighs) Nevermind.

-

Fagin & Oliver Meet

Dodger: 'Ey Fagin! I brought a new friend to see ya! Oliver Twist!

Fagin: (emerges mysteriously from the smoke, holding a toasting fork with a rubber duck speared on the end)

Dodger: (sigh) Fagin, wot did Mister Squeaky do to you?

Fagin: (narrows eyes) Much.

Oliver: (looks VERY scared)

-

Thinking

Fagin: You know what I'm thinking?

Bill: You /think/?

Fagin: I'm thinking Arby's!

-

At The Undertakers

Mr. Bumble: Now what's your explanation you young scallywag?

Oliver: He stole my candy corn!

Mrs. Sowerberry: And what if he did you ungrateful little wretch! It deserved to be eaten!

Oliver: It didn't! It had sentimental value!

Mrs. Sowerberry: Did not!

Oliver: Did too!

Mr. Bumble: You have candy corn?

-

A Reference To Oliver and Company (Gotta love that movie!) XD

Oliver: (yells over his shoulder at crowd chasing him after the Bromlow's wallet incident) Hey, man, you're ugly! And you're uglier than him! And you're Ugly, Part Three! Hey, you're Revenge of the Ugly!

-

And Another

Fagin: I don't wanna put any undue pressure on you, but as you march off to do your duty, I want you to keep one thing in mind. Dead men do not buy dog food!

Dodger: (whispers to Charley) I wondered wot 'e was eatin' this mornin'…

-

AND ANOTHER! =P

Fagin (to Sykes): Isn't it rather dangerous to use ones entire vocabulary in a single sentence?

Dodger: (winces) Harsh, man! Harsh!

-

Bill Is Hungry…Again

Bill: (to Nancy) Go round to Fagin's, will ya, and tell 'im to give me my jumbo pack of Doritos back.

Nancy: (rolls eyes) Alright.

-

They're back!

Oliver: (singing) I'd go-AHHHH!

Nancy: (stares at koalas viciously attacking Oliver) Uh…

Dodger: (in a creepy voice) They're baaaack!

-

More Random Junk

Fagin: This'd better not be anything weird this time Dodger!

Dodger: (chuckles) Not to worry Fagin! I got a squeaky hamburger, a metal teapot, some animal crackers and a paper airplane. Sound good?

Fagin: (puts head in hands)

--

**A/N:** That's it for now…XD

Have any ideas? Send a PM my way! ^^


	3. Installment Three

Twists In The Tale – Part Three

Yes, Bumble, more. XD

**A/N: **Starts with a request from Coralyne and goes downhill from there. =P Glad you're enjoying these, my dears!

--

Attacked By A Carrot

Bill: (pulls out carrot, starts hitting Nancy with it)

Nancy: Um…

Oliver: (gigglesnort)

Bill: (looks shamefaced) Oh. Who took me stick?

Fagin: (chuckles manically)

-

Methinks This Installment'll Be Full Of Carrot References

Dodger: Fagin, I wouldn't do tha' if I were you…

Fagin: (plies koala with carrot stick) Not to worry Dodge, koalas like carrots…

Dodger: (backs away)

-

Silly Songs With Fagin (Based off of Silly Songs with Larry) =P

Fagin: Everybody's got a water buffalo, yours is fast but mine is slow, where we get them I don't know but everyone's got a water buffalo-oooooo!

Bill: STOP BEING SO SILLY!

-

Silly Songs With Fagin (Take Two)

Fagin: Oh, where is my hairbrush? Oh where is my hairbrush? Oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where oh, where ... is my hairbrush?

Dodger: You never had one to begin with!

Fagin: Oh…yeah. Right.

-

Fortune Cookies

Nancy: "You will be attacked by a maniac with a carrot"

Dodger: "Too much candy makes you hyper"

Bill: "Buy a new hat already"

Fagin: "Beware of a grape with a wooden mallet"

-

Fagin & Bill Meet Outside The Cripples (Take Three Hundred and Fifteen)

Fagin: Hey buddy, wanna buy a hoofed mammal?

(points to group of zebras and llamas standing nearby)

Bill: Llamas don't have hooves…

Fagin: Shut it!

-

Reviewing The Situation (Take Two)

Fagin: (singing) I'm reviewing

The situation

And I think I will learn

How to play

The drums

-

Pick-A-Pocket-Or-Two

Fagin: Just a game, Oliver, just a game!

Oliver: (excited) Oooh! Like Scrabble?

Fagin: No.

-

Fagin & Oliver Meet (Take Two)

Dodger: 'Ey Fagin! I brought a new friend to see ya! Oliver Twist!

Fagin: (emerges from smoke, wielding a toasting fork with a carrot on the end)

Dodger: Fagin, wot did- wait…why do you 'ave a carrot on the toastin' fork?

Fagin: (shakes head sadly) 'E wos gonna betray us!

Oliver: (backs away)

-

Dodger & Oliver Meet (Take Three)

Oliver: My name is Oliver! Oliver Twit!

Dodger: (gigglesnort)

Oliver: Wait a second…who wrote this?

-

Return Of Mister Squeaky

Dodger: Hats on boys, time we were off! You too Mister Squeaky!

Rubber Duck: …

-

Yet More Carrots

Seller One: Who will buy

My orange carrots

Five pounds for a zillion!

Seller Two: Will you buy

Any squashed carrots today

Mistress?

Seller Three: Ripe carrot juice, ripe!

Ripe carrot juice, ripe!

-

Food Glorious Food (Take Two)

Random Workhouse Kid: Hey you guys, what say we launch a revolution?

Oliver: Like Dance Dance Revolution?

Random Workhouse Kid: (smacks Oliver) No.

Bumble: Dance Dance Revolution, you say?

-

When Koalas Attack

Fagin: (on phone) CODE RED! CODE RED!

Dodger: Fagin, wot's goin' on?

Fagin: The koalas burnt down my top secret marshmallow ice cream factory! CODE RED, I TELL YA!

Dodger: (sarcastically) Good grief.

-

Journey To London

Sign: London – 40 Miles

Oliver: NO FLIPPIN' WAY! (turns back around and returns to the undertakers)

-

Fagin & Bill Have A Little Discussion (Take Two)

Bill: (grabs Fagin by the neck)

Fagin: (clicks fingers)

Army Of Rabid Koalas: (attack Bill)

Fagin: (mutters to self) Genius. Knew they'd come in handy.

-

More Oliver & Company! XD

Bill: (storms off)

Fagin: Curses. My days are numbered and the number is three.

-

And more! =P

Fagin: Lads? We're out of grub!

Charley: (sigh) It's newspaper burritos for breakfast again man.

-

Sykes Tries To Kill Bulls-Eye

Bill: Come here, Bulls-Eye. They've seen you... so you can't come with me no further. 'Cause if you do, they'll know you. Come. You ain't afraid of me, are you, Bulls-Eye? You come here. Come here, Bull-Eye!

Bulls-Eye: No way jose! (runs away)

Bill: Dang it!

--

**A/N:** Once again, that's all for now. XD

R&R or I'll set the rabid koalas on you! =P


	4. Installment Four

Part Four

Bumble: FOR GOODNESS SAKE!

Deal Or No Deal (Take Two)

Bill: Nancy, if you go and get Oliver I'll give ya no beatin's for a week and I'll drop yer curfew. Deal…or no deal?

Nancy: (sucks in breath)

Fagin's Boys: Take the deal! Take the deal!

(Bill's phone rings)

Bill: Yes? Yes? Really? See you next time!

(to Nancy) That wos my banker. He said that if you take this deal he will give an all expenses paid holiday to Miami in the five star Sheridan Hotel!

Charley Bates: I've always wanted to go there!

Bill: Deal Or No Deal?

Fagin's Boys: Take the deal! (chant)

Nancy: But wot about Oliver?

Fagin's Boys: (continue chanting)

Nancy: Uh…

Fagin: TAKE IT!

Nancy: NO DEAL!

Boys: (groan)

-

Pick-A-Pocket-Or-Two (Take Two)

Boy: (tries to steal Fagin's handkerchief, but it's stuck with chewing gum)

(pulls Fagin to the ground)

Oliver: Oooh!

Fagin: It's cool, everything's cool…(gets to his feet)I mean to do that. (grabs toasting fork, spears boy)

Oliver: OH ****!

Everyone: (gasp)

Dodger: Not so innocent now are ya?

Oliver: I didn't mean to do that… (smacks Dodger)

-

Nancy Peached!

Dodger: (runs in, breathless) (opens mouth to begin message)

Fagin: Wait son. Catch yer breath.

Bill: Have a chocolate frappucino!

Dodger: (slurps frappucino) (coughs) NANCY PEACHED!

Bill: WOT? I HATE 'AVING TO CLEAN UP THA' MESS! IT GETS EVERYTHIN' STICKY!

Fagin: Oh yes, I remember back in '84…we were washing peach juice out of Bulls-Eye's fur for a week!

(Bill and Fagin run off)

Dodger: (looks after then and nonchalantly slurps coffee)

-

The Interrogation Scene

Bill: (taunts policeman)

Policeman: When I'm finished with you I'll make sure you're written out of the history books!

Bill: That's fine by me.

Policeman: Huh?

Bill: Cos I can't read!

-

Nancy's Murder (Take Three)

Bill: (raises stick in the air preparing to strike Nancy)

(World is suddenly morphed into pixilated images)

Bill: (starts hitting Nancy comically)

Bet: (walks in) ENOUGH VIDEO GAMES YOU TWO!

Nancy & Bill: AWWWWW! We love Gory Murder IV!

-

Oliver Walking To London (Take Two)

Oliver: (falls to the ground, exhausted) (glances up and sees a Subway sandwhich) (reaches out, grabs it) (takes a bite) BLEEEH! (pause) NO MAYO?

-

At Fang's Court (from 2005 movie)

Brownlow: Dam* me Dam* me!

Fang: That's right! Dam* you!

Brownlow: This is preposterous!

-

At The Undertakers (Take Four)

Oliver: (walks along in front of coffin) Phew, it feels a bit hot! (glances up to see stick on fire)

Noah: Don't need to see 'im 'ung now!

Oliver: (trips and lands on Noah)

(Noah spontaneously combusts)

-

Oliver Arrives In London

Oliver: (passes blue billboard: 'Food, Shelter, Theft; Check In Here') Okay…

Ticket Booth Guy: 'Ey up old mucker me lad!

Oliver: (squeals in terror and runs away)

-

Oliver Meets Fagin (Take Three)

Dodger: Here he is Fagin! My new friend, Oliver Twist!

(eerie smoke and lighting effects)

(Eye of The Tiger starts playing)

Fagin: (emerges dramatically)

-

Enter Bill Sykes

Bill: OK, who sat on my hat?

-

Consider Yourself (Take Two)

Dodger: (singing) Consider yourself one of the family!

Oliver: Really?

Dodger: No. This is just a song to fill time so the techies can do a scene change.

Oliver: Oh.

--

**A/N**: The events depicted in this chapter are courtesy of my bored little brother (except the last one). XD


	5. Installment Five

Twists In The Tale

Even More! Take that, Mr. Bumble!

--

Fagin & Bill Meet Outside The Cripples (Take Four Hundred and Twenty Six)

Fagin: Well?

Bill: They were out of cheese puffs.

Fagin: Dang.

--

Another Oliver & Company Reference

Charley: Okay Dodger, you've insulted my pride! That means DEATH!

Dodger: (backs away)

--

Return Of Mister Squeaky (Part II)

Workhouse Kids: (singing) Magical

Mister Squeaky: DUCKS!

Workhouse Kids: Wonderful

Mister Squeaky: DUCKS!

Workhouse Kids: Marvelous

Mister Squeaky: DUCKS!

Workhouse Kids: Fabulous

Mister Squeaky: DUCKS!

Oliver: Beautiful

Mister Squeaky: DUCKS!

All: Glorious DUCKS!

--

When Koalas Attack (Take Two)

Fagin: CODE RED! CODE RED!

Dodger: Fagin's, wot's goin' on?

Fagin: The koalas stole all the juiceboxes and are using them as squirt guns! CODE RED!

Dodger: (bangs head against wall)

--

Who Will Buy? (Take Something-Or-Other)

Seller One: Who will buy

My bags of candy corn

Twelve pounds

For a zillion!

Seller Two: Will you buy

Any mice today

Mistress?

Seller Three: Ripe video games, ripe!

Ripe video games, ripe!

--

It's A Fine Life (Take Two)

Nancy: (singing) If you don't mind having to live in London

It's a fine life!

Tavern Folk: It's a fine life!

Nancy: If you don't mind prejudice, pain and boredom

It's a fine life!

Tavern Guy One: These lyrics actually make sense!

Tavern Guy Two: Darn-nabbit!

--

Kids TV Is Scary

Fagin: (watches Tellitubbies) (hums theme song)

Bill: FAGIN! NO! THEY'LL TAKE OVER YOUR MIND!

Fagin: (dreamily) Naughty Noo-Noo!

Dodger: Tooo late…

--

Oliver Walking To London (Take Three)

Oliver: (walks)(gets bored of walking)(starts running instead)

('Chariots Of Fire' starts playing)

Oliver: (screeches to a standstill)

(Music stops)

Oliver: THANK YOU.

--

Run Away!

(Bill and Oliver are running away from the mob; Oliver sees Bill had iPod headphones in his ears)

Oliver: What're you listening to?

Bill: 'Runaway' by Linkin Park

Oliver: Oh.

--

Standing On The Rooftop

(Everybody scream your heart out! Juuuust kidding.)

Bill: (stands on roof, attempts to untie rope around his waist)

(Bill's phone rings in his pocket)

Bill: (picks up phone) WHAT?

Caller: Is this a bad time?

--

Boy For Sale (Take Two)

Bumble: (sings) One boy! Boy for s-

(Rest of the song is abruptly cut off as Bumble trips and falls into a nearby snow bank)

--

The Mob Song

Bromlow: We're not safe until his head is mounted on my wall! I say we kill the beast!  
Mob: Kill him!  
Man 1: We're not safe until he's dead  
Man 2: He'll come stalking us at night  
Woman: Set to sacrifice our children to his monstrous appetite  
Man 3: He'll wreak havoc on our village if we let him wander free  
Brownlow: So it's time to take some action, boys  
It's time to follow me!

Bill: (offstage) WRONG SCRIPT!

--

Randomness

Oliver: (pulls Gameboy out of hat)

Bumble: OI! That's mine!

Oliver: (giggles mischievously)

--

Fagin Threatens Oliver

Fagin: I mean, who's gonna look after me in me old age? Would you, birdie?

…

Nah.

(looks over to see Oliver staring at him)

Would you?

(realizes Oliver has seen everything, pulls giant spoon from out of nowhere and runs after Oliver)

Oliver: AAAAH! I FEEL THREATENED!

--

Pretty Things

Fagin: Did you see any of those pretty things my dear?

Oliver: Yes sir.

Fagin: (shows Oliver box of mint condition Star Wars VHS tapes) They're mine, Oliver. My little treasure.

Oliver: Whatever you say.

--

Oom-Pah-Pah (Take Two)

Tavern Folk: (singing dramatic finale) When they hear-

Someone's Phone: Ring Ring Ring!

Director: That's not in the script!

Nancy: Is anything these days?

--

Fagin & Bill Meet Outside The Cripples (Take Five Hundred and Two)

Bill: (drops iPod speakers, headphones, iPod mini and a flamethrower into Fagin's sack) What're you gonna do with this stuff again?

Fagin: (taps side of nose and scuttles away)

--

Out The Back Way (2005 Movie and 1968 Musical Mix-Up!)

Fagin: Out the back way, come on!

Charley: Fagin, there's no ladder here! Just a stupid box!

Fagin: Oops, wrong set. Out the door, not the floor! Move it!

--

Oliver In Court

Oliver: (indignantly) Where's my lawyer?


	6. Installment Six

Twists In The Tale

Bumble: Let me guess…more?

Me: You got it, pal.

--

Fagin & Bill Meet Outside The Cripples (Take Five Hundred and Four)

Fagin: Bill, Bill Sykes, what did you do, what did you do?

Bill: Huh?

Fagin: The dog! What on Earth did you do to it?

(Bill and Fagin both look at Bulls-Eye, who is wearing a dog sized tutu)

Bill: Long story.

--

Be Back Soon

(Boys march along the bridge)

Charley: Look at me, I'm Spiderman! (attempts to jump onto nearby roof)

(Charley falls)

Oliver: (to Dodger) Who's Spiderman?

--

MORE?!

Oliver: Please sir, I don't want some more.

Bumble: WHAT?! Wait… (confused) WHAT?!

Oliver: Please sir, I don't want some more.

Bumble: That's alright then. Thanks for letting me know.

Director: (sobs)

--

At Brownlow's

Brownlow: You want to help the boy don't you; why else are you here?

Nancy: I wanted to look at the interior decorating, Bill's such a slob.

Brownlow: Who?

Nancy: Oh snap.

--

Mr. Squeaky's Return-Part III

Seller Three: Ripe rubber ducks, ripe!

Ripe rubber ducks, ripe!

Mister Squeaky: (in basket) This plan didn't work out quite how I'd anticipated…

--

I'd Do Anything (A Small Parodical Version)

Fagin: Would you buy a cat?

Boys: Anything!

Fagin: Would you make it fat?

Boys: Anything!

Fagin: Would you squash it flat?

Boys: (warily) Anything!

Fagin: Would you eat a hat?

Boys: That's not the point!

--

Kids TV Is Even Scarier

Fagin: (watches Balamory)

Bill: Oh gawd, no! Fagin stoppit!

Fagin: (sings Balamory theme song)

Bill: (bashes head against the wall)

--

Limited Edition

Brownlow: (chases after Oliver whom he thinks has stolen his wallet)

Bookseller: OI! Come back! That Pokémon annual is limited edition!

--

Fagin & Bill Meet Outside The Cripples (Take Five Hundred and Thirty Two)

Bill: (pulls out iPod) I say we rickroll this musical!

Fagin: Uh…I don't know what you mean, but OK. Sounds good.

--

Reviewing The Situation (again!)

Fagin: (singing) I'm reviewing

The situation!

And I think I will

Go out and buy

Some shoes!

--

I'm Not Insane!

Fagin: (dances around with pink umbrella during 'I'd Do Anything')

Nancy: What on Earth are you doing?

Fagin: (indignantly) I'm not insane! I'm an actor!

--

Wrong Script, Much?

Director: (in melancholy tones) All you actors are so interesting, so flamboyant! Me, I'm about as flamboyant as a bagel!

Nancy: That's a line from FAME…

Fagin: You have bagels?

Bill: We're actors?

--

Where Is Love?

Oliver: (sings) Where is l-

Oh forget it.

(jumps to his feet dramatically)

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!

(starts singing Where Is The Love by the Black Eyed Peas)

Director: Hmm…it works.

--

What Happens When Dodger Has Too Much Coffee

Fagin: Dodger, have you seen my-

Dodger: (runs past at Mach 1) SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!

Fagin: (sigh) Chocolate coated coffee beans…

--

At Fagin's Top Secret Marshmallow Ice-Cream Factory

Fagin: Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable! But that is called cannibalism, my dears, and is frowned upon in most societies. ..

--

The Return Of The Manic Koalas

Koala One: (pulls carrot out of nowhere, attacks other koala)

Koala Two: NOOO! (fights back)

Fagin: (pulls out lightsaber) The short Jedi shall die first…

Koala Two: OI!

--

Food, Glorious Food

Random Workhouse Kid: Hey you guys!

Other Workhouse Kids: Yeah?

Random Workhouse Kid: The gruel tastes funny today.

Other Random Kid: As ever.

Random Workhouse Kid Two: Hey! There's a _shoe _in mine!

Bumble: (walking past, speaks absentmindedly) It needed a little more kick.

--

**A/N: **Once again, that's all folks!

Please R&R! ^^


	7. Installment Seven

Twists In The Tale- Installment Seven

Bumble: I'm not even going to say anything.

Me: _Thank you_.

Fagin And Bill Meet Outside The Cripples (Take Six Hundred and Two)

Fagin: I have a much better idea.

Bill: Wot?

Fagin: Why don't we stop meeting here in this creepy shadowy place and discuss matters over a round of golf instead?

Bill: (gets a wicked grin on his face) _Sure_.

--

Oom-Pah-Pah

Nancy: (singing) Oom-Pah-Pah!

Oom-Pah-Pah!

Monkeys and bats!

Oom-Pah-Pah!

Oom-Pah-Pah!

All should wear hats!

It sounds quite stupid but

I think it works!

When you've had

Oom-Pah-Pah!

--

Fisticuffs

Nancy: You'll have to kill me before I let you lay a hand on that boy!

Bill: OK then.

Fagin: No, you fool! You're on the wrong page of the script!

Bill: Oh. Sorry.

--

Be Back Soon (Take Two)

Fagin: Be sure to bring back some sandwiches, my dears! I'm peckish!

Oliver: (to Dodger) What's a sandwhich?

Dodger: (mutters) Greenland…

--

Kids TV (Encore)

Fagin: (watches Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)

Hey Bill, would you say I'm like the wise old rat?

Bill: In some respects.

--

Wrong Script (AGAIN)

Fagin: (quoting Richard III) …Dive thoughts, down to my soul, here Clarence comes!

Bill: Who are you planning on murdering this time?

Fagin: Foul cacodemon! How didst thou discovereth my plans?

Bill: Cacodemon, am I? Well…thou art a lump of foul deformity!

Fagin: Out of my sight, thou dost affect my eyes!

Bill: Well…darn.

--

Python-esque

Fagin: (dramatically) I am The Knight Who Plays wii!

Dodger: (wanders in) I don't even want to know…

--

Oliver Meets Fagin (Take Whatever)

Dodger: Hey Fagin! I brought a new friend to see ya! Oliver Twist!

Fagin: And I should care because…

Dodger: It's pretty darn essential to the script!

Fagin: But I'm busy!

Dodger: (changes tack) I have a shiny! D'you want a shiny?

Fagin: (appears dramatically) SHINY? WHERE?

Oliver: (backs away slowly)

--

Brownlow Send Oliver On A Mission

Brownlow: Take this five pound note and these books to the booksellers.

Oliver: Will I get to overcome impossible obstacles, fight bad guys and defy death?

Brownlow: What do you think this is, Mission Impossible?

Fagin: (watching from the sidelines) Ironic, much?

--

Fagin and Bill Meet Outside The Cripples (Take Six Hundred and Twelve)

Fagin: I think golf was a bad idea…

Bill: (wielding a gold club menacingly) I disagree.

Fagin: Maybe bowling next time?

Bill: (chuckles manically)

Fagin: I'm not liking that chuckle…

--

The Chase Scene

Oliver: (acquires skateboard) (skates along) Dude, I got some skills!

Brownlow: Curses! We'll never catch him now! I suspect he's the wrong kid anyway and I'll probably end up adopting him because he reminds me of my dead daughter or someone…

Everyone Else: (odd looks)

--

Doctor Grimwig

Grimwig: If that boy ever returns to this house I'll eat my own head, sir! And yours. And the heads of all the flowers in the garden. And-

Brownlow: Has anyone ever told you how creepy you are?

Grimwig: (insulted) I say!

--

Oliver's First Job

Oliver: Can I, sir? Please! I'd like to!

Fagin: (makes triumphant fist movement) YES! I CAN GET RID OF HIM AT LAST…er...I mean…sure, whatever. Fine by me.

--

Tutu Trouble

Bulls-Eye: (wanders around in a bright pink tutu)

Random Passerby: It's his dog! It's the murderer's dog!

Random Person: Are you sure?

Random Passerby: (notices tutu) Not anymore.

--

**A/N:**That's all I could come up with this time. D8

Ah well.

Doesn't mean you shouldn't R&R, does it? –pokes-


End file.
